Kate Miller-Heidke — Australian Idol lyrics

I was having a bad week – I crashed the car and the cat carked it
Weighed myself outside Woolies and I'd put on 4 kilos

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out – told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath. And looked into my eyes and she said:

You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you don't win, you'll have a great time.
Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel
They're even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.

I said 'Thanks, I feel a lot better now'
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didn't know how much we'd grown apart.

The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub

Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said 'Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
It's nearly the final of Australian Idol and
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/kate-miller-heidke-australian-idol-lyrics.html ]
You should go on Australian Idol
You're much prettier than her – she looks like a pudding
'You'll win it no worries love' said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.

And don't get me wrong – if I turn on the tv and it's on
I can't stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
They're crying in their 5-star hotel, and I'm cackling on my cack-brown couch
And it's not that I am jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover

Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 10 and before I knew it I was watching a really short guy
Singing that really annoying song by Craig David.

Suddenly I rose to my feet – it must have been divine intervention
I saw the light in front of me, and I screamed!

Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God! )
Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus!
I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar
Or better still just change to SBS.
You better believe it – I changed to SBS
So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is...
Shove it up your ass!