Rodney Carrington — Carlos lyrics

I gotta tell you this too, you know, I'm a short fucker, you know, like I said, I gotta, I work purely off personality. I aint got a problem with it. If I was tall I'd probably be stupid, I'm just guessing, I don't know.
But you tall fuckers got it good when it comes to walking in the bedroom, just dropping your drawers. "Oh my god what the fu-"You know. We, Us short fuckers gotta be creative. I came up with something. Put on a wig, and talk with an accent. I brought my wig with me, I'd like to share it with you:

Hello my name is Carlos.
I want to make love to you.
I want you to get on the bed, and take off your panties, do as I say.
Hurry girlfriend, right now, okay.
Then I want you to pretend that your feet hate each other, do as I say.
Heh, you drunk fuckers'll try to use that line tonight. Every one of you will fuck it up too "Get up dere on the bed and pretend your feet stink.Well I can't remember what he sed just get your panties off!!I want a lil pootie poo."
One of you girls tonight will be lucky enough to have your hiney spanked by Carlos. Who will it be?
Who will be my s*** girl? I will find you s*** girl and you will come. And when you come you will come again, who will it be?
Who will be my s*** girl? I want my s*** girl right now, where is she?
I like you, right there, hiding behind your boyfriend.
Come to Carlos.
Look at you!
I like you s*** girl where did you get that dress? Right now I tell you.
I tell-Here's what's going to happen.
I will spank your hiney, like this.
You will really like this-Don't fight it, do as I say!
We will have fun.
Come to Carlos, right now. Bend over this chair, do as I say. Bend over!
(hoh)Man! Over-achiever, I love her! Oh wai-I li-oh-It's okay, I play, I play, she attack me, you saw, okay.
Ummm, when you bend over, I would like to do a little trick.
I would like to make my weiner dissapear, okay?
No no, no no, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it will reappear.
And then dissapear again, really fast, it's o-Aye! I play! She attack me, you saw, okay.
She can't keep her hands off me, look at that, okay. Crazy.
I tell you what, you don't want to do that, I tell you what. Lay on Carlos.
Come, lay on Carlos! It's fun, come to-Come! Bouncy ride, bouncy ride, come on. Lay on Carlos! Okay, okay, okay. Sometimes it does not work.
A woman needs a little romance, I will give it to her. I tell you what. Get on your chair, just like this, it's okay. Give me that, I tell you what, give me that water, right there. Here, I'll give you a little something, make you, put you in the mood. This is, uh, this is horny juice. It'll make you very horny, be careful. Taste. You are horny, huh? Ahaha. I will be horny with you. I will be a little more horny than you.
Oh, he wants to be horny too.
We will have a threesome!
Jesus Christ Vah!!! Ahahahahaha
I like you. You will fall in love before it's over, don't fight it. You are horny right now. I tell you what I will do, I will sing to you:

As I walk on to the stage,
Tonight I turn another page,
Another nitch up in my cup,
I will sit down in your lap,
Look at you you turn me o-oon,
I squeeze your boobs when we're alo-oone
I am caught up in your trap...
I hope she don't give me the clap

Okay, I play.
Thanks for coming out, Good Night!
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/rodney-carrington-carlos-lyrics.html ]